this

Memoir: Joe

2008-01-17T04:45:58Z

The newest assignment my kids are doing is a descriptive memoir with anecdotes that leads to some sort of revelation. I'm pretty happy with the example that I wrote:

My brother Joe was born three years before me, and because of that, always managed to stay one school ahead of me. When I was entering Stonybrook in third grade, he had just left and was entering Pearl R. Miller in sixth grade. When I was entering sixth grade in Pearl R. Miller, he was moving on to ninth grade in Kinnelon High School. In fact, in our entire school careers from kindergarten through high school, we only had one year where we were in the same building, when he was a senior and I was a freshman.

I never thought there was anything unusual about my relationship with my older brother; we always got along “well enough” as we were growing up. As the oldest son, Joe always got first pick of anything, especially with toys. He was always possessive about being the only one in the family who had a particular item. He couldn’t stand it if I had a duplicate of anything that he had. He would throw fits if I ever got what he had or wanted. Some times, it wasn’t so bad, with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle toys for example, because there was such a variety of action figures. Joe would naturally get the first pick, usually getting the meanest and coolest looking Shredder or Rafael the store had to offer, leaving me with a moderately cool selection of Donatellos or Leonardos. However, things didn’t always work out this well. Many times, since he was my parents’ first kid, he had been spoiled by them and relatives and had already amassed entire collections, like his He-Man toys, leaving nothing cool for me to call my own. Simply put, Joe just plain didn’t like to share.

While there certainly were many other types of toys out there for me to start to create my own collection from, he was still my older brother, so I wanted to be like him whenever I could; Joe thought He-Man was cool, so I thought He-Man was cool. However, I couldn’t show him how cool that I thought He-Man was because he would get mad at me if I had something that he didn’t have and thought was cool. Clearly, this catch-22 was a lot for me to wrap my four-year-old head around.

Young as I was, I wasn’t going to let this get the best of me. I thought I found a way around the situation in a spin-off series of the He-Man cartoon. Joe didn’t have any of these toys, and in fact, didn’t seem too interested in them, despite the fact that they were He-Man related. So while Joe continued his monopoly on the ultra-masculine He-Man series, I started my collection of his drastically more feminine companion She-Ra.

As an isolated incident, this wasn't a big deal, but this sort of thing happened all too often. Joe seemed to always first get to the 'boys' toys,' like My Pet Monster (complete with break-away plastic handcuffs), leaving me with the roly-poly and very yellow Popples (who were able to curl into a defensive ball to protect their cuteness) and the dainty Rainbow Brite (a little blonde in an iridescent multicolored space-suit). In hindsight, I’m surprised my parents weren’t a bit more concerned about me.

Naturally, we fought. Joe loved to punch me in the middle of my back because it made “such a great sound.” He also gave me more bloody noses than I can count and knocked out one of my teeth in the back seat of the car. He has since blamed those events on my finger constantly being in my nostrils and the tooth already being loose.

A mother of four, my mom was constantly bringing one of us to a friend’s house or picking one of us up from another’s, so there was a good chance I was around Joe and his friends for at least part of the day. I'd sit in the back seat of my mom's three row Suburban while Joe and his friend in the second row would turn their heads and endlessly pick on me until one of us got dropped off. To this day, I have several nicknames from that that stuck because of their constant pelting on day trips, though no one seems to remember their origins.

By the time middle school rolled around, our friends would mingle when we had them over at the same time. We would try to play nice, but there was clearly an “us versus them” mentality; they were bigger, stronger, and smarter than us, and they liked to remind us as often as they could. One of my best friends, Blake, has an older brother who is Joe’s age. Whenever we all got together, alliances were formed based on age, not family. In our old house, where we had a large, unfinished basement with exposed support beams and many kid-sized vehicles to ride over the concrete floor, we would all inevitably play Demolition Derby, smashing into each other or anything that was solid enough to hurt. Other times, Blake and I would run around the house for hours trying to run from our brothers who were going to ambush and beat us up. These often ended with Blake saving himself by helping them tie my hands together and lock me in a dark closet for extended periods of time. For unknown reasons, I still speak to him.

In the beginning of my freshman year, I was unfortunate enough to run into one of my brother’s largest friends, Tim, in the hall while classes were in session. As soon as he saw me, Tim grabbed me, threw me over his shoulder, ran to the nearest class with a teacher lecturing, and tossed me into the room. I was relieved when I didn’t see anyone I knew then flew out the door as fast as I could, just in time to hear Tim’s laughter echoing through the hallways.

Joe and his friends kept picking on me, but something had changed by the second marking period. Suddenly, it was like a switch was hit. They would pull me aside by their lockers and see how I was doing just as soon as they would throw me into a room full of people. When they picked on me now, they weren’t doing it to be mean, they were doing it almost as an initiation; I was one of the guys. He and his friends would call me over to say hello or bust my chops, but it would always be with a smile, and oddly enough, they seemed to like it even more when I dished it right back at them. When Joe and his friends would be over, I wouldn’t have to leave the room anymore. In fact, sometimes I would be invited in. It blew my mind the first time I was actually invited to go out with them somewhere. Joe, who would yell at me for having anything that he had, was sharing his friends.

I think that high school has that effect on a lot of siblings, as if it’s a great equalizer of sorts; no matter how much someone is your kid brother or sister, by the time high school hits, everyone has done a lot of growing up. As we have both gotten older, this has only become more and more true. Since both of us have our own jobs and lives, we don’t have to see each other all the time like we did when we were kids. Now, whenever we are around each other, it’s because we have chosen to be. With every passing year, we have gotten closer, and, oddly enough, become less and less like brothers, but more and more like friends.

Balls.

2008-01-09T21:22:29Z

Today, I had my eighth graders bring in an important, personal object and write about it. I decided I'd write a model paper of something I'd like to get from them and read it to the class this morning. What I ended up with was something much more meaningful than what I intended. I ended up telling the kids that their goal should really be to write something personally meaningful, that they will be able to pair with whatever object they chose. I told them to write to make themselves proud. I don't know how they turned out yet, but I can hope that they will be as happy with theirs as I am with mine.

Here it is:

If I showed it to you, you’d just think it was an ordinary bowling ball. It doesn’t look special at all. In fact, it looks pretty beaten up and worn in. The gold finish is lackluster, the etched brand-name and illustration of a Rhino are starting to fade, and the rubber fingertip grips are starting to peel away from the holes. It’s desperately in need of a visit to the pro-shop to get refurbished.

Most bowlers have a way of playing that they specifically get a ball made for, like throwing left or right-handed curves. I, on the other hand, have gotten my style from my bowling ball.

I’m not a particularly great bowler, by any means. I’ve got a knack for picking up spares, but I’m inconsistent at best. The fourteen pound ball fatigues my arm within three games if I’m lucky, but I wouldn’t play with any other.

When my dad unexpectedly passed away about ten years ago, I inherited the ball from him. I remember going to Butler Bowl, where he would go to have his league games, and marveling not only at his two hundred plus scores and the sound of the pins shattering when he hurled the ball down the lane, but simply at the way he managed to do it with such ease.

I remember asking him once how much it weighed, and I must have misheard him, because for years later, I thought that it weighed forty pounds. This just added to the mythical abilities of my dad. When I was in a gym with lots of weights, I’d struggle and try to lift a dumbbell that heavy and wonder how my dad could throw a ball that weighed that much so easily.

For a few years after he passed, the ball sat our family basement gathering dust. No one else in my family was really interested in the sport, and I wasn’t big enough to use the ball yet; the distance between where the fingertips and thumb were drilled seemed enormous. I didn’t think I would ever grow into it.

As I got older, I got a bit bigger, and a bit stronger, and I would try to use the ball every now and again. I remember throwing gutter ball after gutter ball, trying to control a ball that was clearly too heavy for me. I’d switch to one of the balls they had in the alley, but I’d always give my dad's a shot, to see if I could handle it yet.

Over many games and many years, I got more and more comfortable with the “Rhino.” I don’t know how many years later or how old I was, but I will never forget the sound from the first time I really nailed the pins. I don’t know how often you bowl, if ever, or if you have ever made that classic “strike sound,” where all of the wooden pins smash into one another and echo throughout the whole alley, but it was something that I always thought was incredible, something only the grown ups could do.

If I showed it to you, you’d just think it was an ordinary bowling ball. It doesn’t look special at all. In fact, it looks pretty beaten up and worn in. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

---

It's interesting the way things like this manage to sneak up on me. I didn't even realize that my dad's anniversary was coming up so soon, five days from today, until I had finished the paper and looked over it a few times. I hadn't even really thought of the ball as something special until I sat down to think of something that was "special," and I had just used it this weekend for the first time in months. I find it so interesting how the subconscious works.

oddgod @ 2007-11-18T13:56:00

2007-11-18T17:56:47Z

Go see Beowulf. Preferably in 3D.

oddgod @ 2007-10-10T20:25:00

2007-10-11T00:25:41Z

http://mrpenola.googlepages.com/

oddgod @ 2007-07-25T19:28:00

2007-07-25T23:28:11Z

Come September, I will be working at Pearl R. Miller Middle School in Kinnelon, NJ as a seventh and eighth grade English teacher. Huzzah!

oddgod @ 2007-07-20T13:08:00

2007-07-20T17:08:17Z

Interview the first: COMPLETE

Since last we spoke

2007-07-12T06:07:24Z

These things have changed:

I have one (1) less band.
I have one (1) more beard.
I have one (1) certification to teach secondary English.
I have one (1) degree from William Paterson University.
I own one (1) working and attractive watch.
I have ordered one (1) super-computer, comparable to SkyNet from the Terminator films.
I have no (0) job(s).

oddgod @ 2007-07-12T02:00:00

2007-07-12T06:00:00Z

The moon was just as bright as the streetlamps that morning, and though he could not see through the porch light’s glare, he was sure that moths spent their entire lives crashing into the glass bulbs. He wished there was anything he wanted that badly.

If everyone else jumped off a bridge...

2007-04-05T22:54:18Z

Jung Explorer Test
Actualized type: ENFP
(who you are)

ENFP - "Journalist". Uncanny sense of the motivations of others. Life is an exciting drama. 8.1% of total population.

Preferred type: ENFJ
(who you prefer to be)

ENFJ - "Persuader". Outstanding leader of groups. Can be aggressive at helping others to be the best that they can be. 2.5% of total population.

Attraction type: ENFJ

(who you are attracted to)

ENFJ - "Persuader". Outstanding leader of groups. Can be aggressive at helping others to be the best that they can be. 2.5% of total population.

Take Jung Explorer Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

oddgod @ 2006-12-01T01:26:00

2006-12-01T05:26:50Z

Someone needs to sell pre-dulled razors.

I've been shaving since I was 13 and I still manage to make it look like someone initiated me into their secret English society by paper cutting my face with each page from "Howl."

I'm kind of entering the real world soon, and I'm going to need to look presentable the majority of the time.

I gotta get a handle on this bizniz.

Oh yeah. A giant poem in less than a week. I promise.

Treasure.

2006-10-23T19:47:53Z

I, for the first time since I got a job at the Writing Center, cleaned out my mailbox today. This consisted of removing a large manila folder of Jeff's astronomy notes, not to the trash, but to his own empty mailbox. I figure that as long as there is something in it, no one will really think to get rid of the Nietzsche quote below his name. Anyway, I found this essay I wrote essay I wrote for Critical Writing II, when I was just starting to really feel at home here, (in the Writing Center) and thought that it was a nice memento of a bygone era. Enjoy.

To find out what a writer is, I thought the best place to start would be the William Paterson University Writing Center, where I am currently employed. There, the well trained staff of courteous employees enrich the student body with their own writing expertise. They, above all others, should know what and who constitutes a writer since they try to mold students into such a category. After all, wouldn’t they all be considered writers? What I found was interesting and unexpected, to say the least.
The staff would undoubtedly describe themselves as intellectuals who love a good philosophical debate or heated discussion. This question, due to the nature of its opinion-generated answers, was ripe for individual explanation, construction, and theories. The simple definition of “one who earns money writing” would not stand. This may or may not have been attributed to the fact that, unfortunately, none of us are able to sustain ourselves in such a fashion yet.
The two main players in what turned out to be a fantastic debate where Jeff, a boisterous philosophy major with aspirations for law school, and Phoebe, a well versed poet and English writing major. The main disagreement was such: Jeff believed that anyone who believed him or herself to be a writer is, in fact, a writer. Phoebe, however, had difficulty with this “self-described” definition. She would not give in to the idea that anyone could be a writer, regardless of the quality of his or her works. While they agreed that a writer should enjoy, value, care and talk about writing, the issue of quality was a major hurdle.
Jeff believed that if one acknowledged oneself as a writer, writing must be a very important part of one’s life. Much like a terrible painter may still call himself a painter, or the way that an awful singer may still call himself a singer, he believed a writer is just someone that loves and lives to write. The ability to write and the effectiveness and quality of the works produced were irrelevant as long as they were important to the writer and his or her life.
Jeff, someone I believe to be an incredible writer, does not consider himself one. While he modestly agreed that he is good at writing, he was not a writer by his own definition because he does not live writing. Phoebe argued that the quality of Jeff’s work far surpassed those of many people she knew who considered themselves to be writers, but in doing so sullied the name of the occupation. She concurred that writers should live for writing, but would not budge on the idea that a writer could actually be bad at writing. To her, a writer should write well, by definition. How could quality be judged though?
In the world of the word, publication seems like a natural solution. If those who read and write constantly believe a particular piece should be brought to the public’s attention, that piece should be written by a writer, right? This is not so. Unanimously, we agreed that publication does not make a writer “because if something gets rejected, it doesn’t mean it’s bad, and just because something gets published doesn’t mean it’s good.” Little other progress was being made, so we switched gears and tried to conclude what, exactly, a good writer did.
Communication was the essential idea. The works of good writers should have the potential to communicate ideas, feelings, and/or thoughts through words. The necessity of this communication, however, is irrelevant. Works do not need to be written for an audience or with a specific intention. For example, a writer who wrote only for herself only to have her works discovered years after her death should still be considered a writer. The concept that power exists in the authentic words and ideas of a writer which can make people want to read them, inspire and generate thought, feelings, or conversation, or precisely convey what the writer was thinking to the reader seemed to fully encompass the aim of a good writer. In short, the writings of a good writer should transcend the personal relationship the writer has with them. Good writing is universal writing, on one scale or another.
We still had no answer to how a writer should be determined though. Since writing is completely subjective, who is anyone to decide what writing even is? It is then that Jeff formed the analogy that seemed to solve all of our problems. His story went something like this:
When Jeff was in high school, he was on the track team. He ran with the team. He was decent and would run when the team would practice or have track meets, but his running experience as a whole was greatly confined to the team setting. There were, however, peers on his team that lived running. They would run on the weekends and in-between practices. Jeff was running only really when he was told to so that he could stay in shape and improve his times. Some of the other students, though, were running because of the feeling it gave them - a sense of inner peace or euphoria. Jeff ran. These friends were runners.
None of us could dispute this theory when applied to writing. Phoebe also seemed convinced because to believe that someone could make something like writing such a large part of his or her life without exhibiting some talent in it is almost unfathomable.
A writer does not live to write.
A writer writes to live.

Interview me.

2006-09-05T00:45:49Z

Questions provided by the one and only Tiffany Groglio.

1. What would you like to accomplish/goal would you like to reach within the next twelve months?

Realistically, I would like (and shall have) my teaching certificate. Graduating with a 3.85 is a stretch, but is something I have control over and would like.

A record deal and millions of dollars in support of the band would be a dream come true, but one that I have far less of control over (We can play and do our best, but if no one gives a shit, that's the way it is).

Come tomorrow, those are going to be the dominating forces in my life - school/teaching Monday through Thursday, Friday-Sunday will be run by a lot of band stuff in the morning. I can't say that I won't be working for everything that I really want at the moment, but I'm going to be busy - hopefully I left enough time in there for myself and not just my goals.

2. What do you imagine for us?

As mentioned above, I will be very busy very soon - I hope that that does not have negative consequences on our relationship and don't believe that it will.

In terms of our relationship in general, I think we both went into it with the idea that it could very much end as soon as school was out in the spring. More or less I have kept that mindset in a very positive way: I have been enjoying all the time that I have with you while keeping in mind that it could hypothetically be over (due to someone moving/getting a job/ etc.) at any moment. So the experience has really be great so far, and I believe that it will continue in such a fashion as long as we want it to.

In short, I imagine us both as better people whenever and however the relationship comes to a close.

Also, it is important to keep in mind that I never go into a relationship just for the short term, or whatnot. From day one, I go in for the long haul. Hope you packed a lunch.

3. Where do you see yourself in five years (be as detailed as possible)?

Dream answer: Rock and Roll Superstar.

Realistic answer: Teaching English and Creative Writing in a high school very much like Kinnelon High School. I will still be writing (I will probably have published a very small run of a non-successful collection of my poetry, but it is successful enough, because I have a couple bound copies of a book with me on the back cover) and still be playing in the band, which is slowly but surely getting more and more of a buzz. We are successful in our own right, people have our CDs (which they bought in record stores) and enjoy them very much, we go on tour in the summer and play decent sized venues on the weekend, but we still very much have day jobs.

The more stable and regular my life is, the more I will probably be starting to settle down into a habit and routine that could very well last me the rest of my life. However, I hope that I don't just come out of college and get a job and stay there - as it is, there are plenty of things in plenty of places that I have not done, and it would be a horrible waste if I missed out on so many things dye to convenience alone.

Grad school sounds fun - maybe go back and try to become a licensed therapist to spice things up. That, or become the first Analysts and Therapist combination, but the combination of the titles (Anal-Rapist) would probably not lead to a very successful business venture.

4. If I gave you a free ticket to anywhere for a day, where would you go?

Oh man, I win no matter what. Ideally, I'd take it to Europe, where I would meet up with someone who could show me around, and I would just train around very there. I haven't seen or been anywhere; my eyes would really open up for anything. Legend has it that lots of things in Europe are relatively close, I figure I could get the most band for my proverbial buck there.

5. What is a shortcoming you see in yourself?

As you have no doubt noticed, I am far too indecisive, usually in terms of more inconsequential things (where do we want to go for dinner/what do you want to do this weekend/no legs or you sweat bees) than the big questions (what do you want to do with your life), but regardless, I can see how it can be incredibly frustrating for a significant other.

001. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
002. I will respond by asking you five questions.
003. You will update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
004. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the post.
005. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Three eyebrows.

2006-08-26T05:20:56Z

I kind of have a mustache.

I'm sorry.

Going to Newport RI tomorrow morn with the family. I hope for good times. My brothers and I are attending the Rhode Island Film Festival or something - Joe expects good things due to the proximity to RISD. My bar has been set low after attending the WPU Film Festival which (with a few exceptions) was quite the painful experience.

In other news, I wrote some dangle today if you care to take a gander:

his eyes are unlike our own

the way they sway like sheep
behind a drunken shepherd
trailing someone that trails

something else all together

-

it took him twelve years
to reach the summit

he did not hesitate
to leap

-

this page will never be my home
until i am surprised
when the floorboards don’t creak

Dear Writing Center Friends-

2006-07-25T21:08:46Z

To those of you who have gone on to hopefully bigger and/or better things, I now understand the torture that must have been last year. If only we had another year together.

Steve Newton is truly a cool dude.

Also, I highly recommend Clerks 2, although I fear that Jeff will hate it by nature of it being Clerks 2.

In hindsight, I should have worn my white bowling shoes.

2006-07-20T14:46:21Z

a plea to friends with novels in heads.

2006-07-18T18:45:15Z

what is unwritten
may never be lost

but never will it
be found and read

My doopy is melting.

2006-07-12T01:32:09Z

I just started and finished a book in the same day for the first time in several years. It is a good feeling. I credit Tiffany for generating me a thus far fantastic reading list. (I figured everyone else was doing it.) Ella Minnow Pea by Mark Dunn was a rather creative foray into control, language and our dependency on it, and resilience. A novel in letters. Fun.

Thom Yorke's new album came out today along with Muse's latest, Black Holes & Revelations. I enjoy them both significantly, so far.

Joe bought me a vanilla bean Dunkin' Donuts Coolata. It is excellent and melting.

I went to Jeff's little weekend hornswaggle. It was fantastic to see many of my best friends again. There was a significant amount of love, and surprising lack of clothes for a standard game of Kings.

Bloomfield Ave Cafe on 7/27. Roots of Rebellion will be playing a show that DOES NOT look like it will be cancelled.

You may be surprised who you will meet when you google yourself.

I have not been writing much [poetry] lately. All things in their own time, though. It seems like now is not the time for such things.

I desire strongly to see A Scanner Darkly. I would also like to see Pirates 2 at the drive-in.

I need a haircut.

Selfless Promotion.

2006-06-06T19:35:46Z

So Amy Moors and/or myself temporarily disables the writing center's printer, so Trudi got the techs to come in and fix it. One of them happened to be new WC tutor Athos. I asked him how his recent 12 day excursion to China went and if he took pictures. I was answered with the following website with images that have thoroughly and simultaneously blown my mind and made Athos' stock balloon in the Book of John.

I think it is in your best interest to give it a peek.
http://athos.smugmug.com/

In other news, the Renaissance Faire opens on August 5th. If you want to go, tickets are discounted if they are bought in advance online. Opening day is fucking awesome, by the way. It is possibly the greatest place I have ever been too. Turkey legs. Drum circles. Jousting. Swords. Artisans. Singers. Psychics. Incense. Kings. Queens. Village idiots. People selling pickles from a barrel with wheels.

If you rent a costume, I will too.

Let's go sacrifice a goat (or farm animal of your choosing/at your disposal).

2006-06-06T04:59:36Z

I'm sure it would be a lot more badass than going to see The Omen 2.0.

Last night, I held a razor and did something silly, though not in true Live Journal fashion.

2006-05-25T02:09:47Z

Following Jordan's example, who I'm told followed my example with the haircut, I no longer have a chin-strap holding face up. Between the lack of dreads and the lack of face hair, I feel like I'm 12 years old. That, and my neck itches.

Today, I wrote some poetry, and it felt good. I think I'll do it again tomorrow. While at work, I will be productive, whether that is updating my website, writing, reading, or (god forbid) working. I will also bring lunch.

I am not enjoying my summer course, but I am enjoying summer. After this weekend, methinks will enjoy it more.

We officially move out of Haledon at the end of the month; Sully and I will search for a new place come the fall semester. Room mates, if any, are to be determined.

Roots of Rebellion has (finally) gotten a show at Maxwell's in Hoboken on Thursday, 6/29. More details to follow. We also have a show on Thursday, 6/1 at the Hamilton St. Cafe in Bound Brook and a show on Thursday, 7/27 at the Bloomfield Ave. Cafe in Montclair.

Really, my neck itches a lot. I'm not used to this "razor-burn."

I'd rather not jinx a good things, but I assure you, I want to shout of my happiness from the top of a mountain in true Ron Burgundy fashion, but I don't have a mountain... or a news room... so I don't.

Looks like all the cool kids are doing it...

2006-05-23T19:36:18Z

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Accommodation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Interdependence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Intellectual	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Mystical	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Artistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Religious	\|\|\|\|	16%
Hedonism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Materialism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Narcissism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Work ethic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Self absorbed	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Conflict seeking	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Need to dominate	\|\|\|\|	16%

Romantic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|	16%
Anti-authority	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Wealth	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Dependency	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Change averse	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Individuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Sexuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Peter pan complex	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Physical security	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Physical Fitness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	64%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Vanity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Female cliche	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Stability results were high which suggests you are very relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic..

Orderliness results were medium which suggests you are moderately organized, hard working, and reliable while still remaining flexible, efficient, and fun.

Extraversion results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

trait snapshot:
rarely irritated, positive, tough, non phobic, fearless, likes the unknown, self reliant, high self control, confident, trusting, strong instincts, prudent, optimistic, willful, likes parties, prefers a specialized career, takes charge, altruistic, strong, high self concept, adventurous, practical, thoughtful

[Editor's note]
Fearless? Adventurous? Takes charge? Not quite.

63 things about me.

2006-05-23T14:59:17Z

1) How old do you wish you were? I'm pretty happy with 21, at the moment. Old enough to do whatever I hypothetically want to do without getting odd looks, be it drinking, getting an apartment, or teaching at a high school, while being young enough to do those things poorly and get away with it/get money from mom.

2) Where were you when 9/11 happened? Mrs. Patterson (Bitch)'s US History class. She was out, there was a substitute, Jared Sheer slid into the room shouting how a plane hit one of the towers. We put on the TV and Arek started saying how cool it was. He really didn't grasp the gravity of the situation. I'm sure he felt terrible once it sunk it. I don't think anyone really understood what happened, even from the footage. The disconnection between the TV and reality is pretty astounding. A plane is the size of an eraser on the screen. You just can't fathom something like that over the news. Being so close to the city was interesting. Many friends had family around the area/working there that. Lunch was very emotional that day. Later, mom went into the city to identify bodies by their dental records. That didn't even really hit home until weeks after she came back and saw some special memorial on TV. When certain people came on screen, she would say that persons ID number from the morgue records. Surreal.

3) What do you do when vending machines steal your money? I get angry. I'm cheap. Deal with it.

4) Do you consider yourself kind? Absolutely.

5) If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be? I was thinking sternum, but I'm backing out of that. Maybe between thine shoulder-blades...

6) If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be? For sake of understanding general languages of interest, Latin. Not so practical, though.

7) Do you know your neighbors? Yeah, but not so well. Working at the local deli gave me a shallow relationship with everyone in town.

8) What do you consider a vacation? Nothing to do. Endless possibilities, although sitting around is usually all that is done.

9) Do you follow your horoscope? No.

10) Would you move for the person you loved? Everything is situational, but yes, if things were in the right places.

11) Are you touchy feely? Methinks.

12) Do you believe that opposites attract? To a certain degree. Finding that balance is difficult.

13) Dream job? Rock star (with a certification in secondary English education).

14) Favorite channel(s)? Comedy Central for laughing.

15) Favorite place to go on weekends? Wait, people do things besides have band practice on the weekends? Damn, you guys need to a get a musical group together or something. Do something with your lives, for Christ's sake.

16) Showers or Baths? Showers for practical reasons.

17) Do you paint your nails? No.

18) Do you trust people easily? Oh yes, until i get a reason not in, in fact.

19) What are your phobias? Not that i can think of.

20) Do you want kids? Absolutely.

21) Do you keep a handwritten journal? Just poetry.

22) Where would you rather be right now? With friends.

23) Who makes you feel warm and fuzzy? Tiff, anyone that surprises you at someone else's party is a winner in my book.

24) Heavy or light sleep? I like to think I sleep Buddhistly, neither heavy or light.

25) Are you paranoid? No.

26) Are you impatient? Not unless I have something that I absolutely need to get done. Waiting 20 minutes at the doctor's office? No biggie, I've got a magazine.

27) Who can you relate to? I think I'm rather empathetic.

28) How do you feel about interracial couples? Love is blind, my dear.

29) Have you been burned by love? Sure. Burned. If you say so.

30) What's your life motto? "Such is life." That or "Don't burn the popcorn."

31) What's your main ringtone on your mobile? "Just Let Go" by Fischerspooner. Before, it was the chorus of A Perfect Circle's "Judith," which I was a much bigger fan of.

32) What were you doing at midnight last night? Asleep or Xbox 360, same mental state, really.

33) Who was your last text message from? Tiff, making me aware of Mozart's involvent in "Ever After."

34) Who's bed did you sleep in last night? My own.

35) What color shirt are you wearing? Good ol' Olive Green, my favorite.

37) Name three things you have on you at all time: Keys, wallet, cell phone.

38.) What color are your bed sheets? Blue.

39) How much cash do you have on you right now? Seventy four bokes. Boo ya.

40) What is your favorite part of the chicken? Drumstick, baby.

41) What's your favorite town/city? I'll tell you after I visit some more.

42) I can't wait till: I get that record deal...

43) Who got you to join myspace? Brother Joseph Anthony Penola III (Pronounced Eye-Aye-Eye)

44) What did you have for dinner last night? A bowl of Pops.. writing that out is so pathetic.

45) How tall are you barefoot? 5' 8" ish.

46) Have you ever smoked heroin? No.

47) Do you own a gun? No.

48) What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Apple juice.

49) What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex? I'm batting a thousand with Step 1. Be genuinely nice. Step 2. Embarrass the shit out of yourself on a regular basis. Step 3. Act awkward when someone show you signs of affection. Step 4. Drink red wine. Step 5. Vomit (This is actually a seperate step than Step 2, because you need to play it off like you're cool). Step 6. Ask said person on a date (Within an hour of vomiting, of course).

50) Do you have A.D.D.? Not even in the joking sense.

51) What time did you wake up today? 8:30 AM. Doctor's appointment.

52) Current worry? Summer class, that and being able to live up to the standards I have set in question 49.

53) Current hate? Richard Belding, always going after Zach Morris.. that sonofabitch.

54) Favorite place to be? With friends. That and under a blanket with a movie on.

55) Where would you like to travel? Throw your finger on a map, and I'd be willing to learn a thing or two while there.

56) Where do you think you'll be in 10 yrs? Rocking out or teaching.

57) Last thing you ate? Chicken, this surprises you?

58) What songs do you sing in the shower? The shower in my house amplifies as well as reverberates, so since there is usually someone home that would be annoyed by said singing, I usually don't.

59) Last person that made you laugh?

Me: Did you just fart?
Joe: No, it was just air.
Me: From your butt hole?

60) Worst injury you've ever had? I hit my head a lot as a child.

61) Does someone have a crush on you? That would be an ego boost, wouldn't it?

62) What is your favorite candy? Milky Way.

63) What song do you want played at your funeral? Something like the "Feel My Ice" remix of A Perfect Circle's "3 Libras." Something that sounds like it should be in an electronic forest flooded with white light/snow. Frogs and butterflies abundant. Lots of bubbles/sunspots floating up. Yeah, that in a song. Peaceful.

English Summer Rain

2006-05-10T18:35:54Z

1. Lullaby - The Cure
2. Ever (Foreign Flag) - Team Sleep
3. Headlock - Imogen Heap
4. Sit Down, Stand Up (Snakes & Ladders) - Radiohead
5. English Summer Rain - Placebo
6. It's In Our hands - Bjork
7. The Drop - Peter Gabriel
8. Leaving Hope - Nine Inch Nails
9. When the Levee Breaks - A Perfect Circle
10. 10,000 Days (Wings Part 2) - Tool
11. Hellbent - Kenna
12. 3 - Sigur Ros

Erection.

2006-05-04T18:37:23Z

I just watched the trailers for X-Men 3 and Superman Returns. I currently have a nerd boner.

In other news, I have my last actual class for the semester in an hour. Strangely enough, this has been my favorite semester at college thus far. If you told me that on January 24th, I'd have had a hard time believing you. Amazing friends can do amazing things.

For the first time in over four years, I woke up this morning and had to worry about what to do with my hair. Realizing I have had no use for baseball caps for a long time, I quickly accepted my fate presented my poof to the world.

Handwritten letters are underrated.

Applebee's tonight (at 10 PM so we get half off appetizers) in celebration of Tiffany.

I am not hungry at the moment, and life is good.

The following poem sums up the style I think I should abandon very soon:

perils of writing ocd poetry. the more i count the letters the more this poetry becomes my terrible game of scrabble but no matter how hard i try i will never be able to make a square out of twenty-eight until each character’s a box just as tall as they’re wide to balance out these stanzas i pile my letters like legos with no regard to the colors as long as the block’s solid

From Tiff (because she felt like commenting in her own journal)

2006-05-02T13:37:48Z

1. I'll respond with something random I like about you.
You make me feel normal.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
"Arrested Development" will always make me think of you.
3. I'll name something we should do together.
Find statues and take pictures of us posing the same way right next to them. I don't know why.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me (or just me).
I have to fog.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
I knew you were nice when I first met you. I just didn't know if you were interesting. It took me a while to take the time to find out.
6. I'll leave you a quote that is somehow appropriate to you.
"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history."
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
What is your major life aspiration? What do you want?

---

In regards to #7, I want to perform. I want to teach. I want to be an artist. I want to play music. I want to write poetry. I want to have a family. I want to be happy. I want to make other people happy. I want my work to make other people happy. I want to be a role model. I want to write. I want to make a living doing what I love. I want to help people on an individual level.

I do not want to regret anything. I do not want to squander whatever talent I have. I do not want to miss out on any more opportunities due to a personal comfort-zone of confinement. I do not want to be the type of friend for others that I wouldn't want to have.

I want to better understand myself so that I can understand others better. I want to wake up and look forward to doing something every day. I want to learn more about my friends. I want my friends and family to know how much they mean to me. I want to leave positive impact on, at least, a handful of people. I want my friends to smile when they think about me and the things we've done together. I want my friends to feel that their lives have been enriched since we've met.

I want the best life I can possibly have.

All things considered, I wouldn't change a single part of my life. I'm happy.

I strive to be happier and more fulfilled.